mother & daughter

This is the fourth blog post in a series about family. This post is about my relationship with my daughter. 


As a new mom, I quickly learned to let go of any preconceived notion I had of the “right” way to parent. I ultimately learned that to parent Hannah well, I have to get to know her, understand her needs, and be willing to flexibly adapt. Parenting comes with endless sacrifice and compromise. But also indescribable joy. In many ways, Hannah and I know each other better than anyone else. And yet, not at all.

Hannah is nine now. Over the years we have developed our own sense of family with our own family traditions. We have movie nights on Fridays and pancake breakfasts on Saturdays. We eat dinner together every night and have snuggles before bed. In some ways these traditions support our sense of family and provide us with dedicated time together. While the details will be forgotten, these are the memories we will take with us for the rest of our lives.

To be able to parent Hannah and develop these traditions with her, I had to let go of my broken childhood as part of my identity and embrace the possibility that I could have and be something more. In doing so I have learned that I am capable of providing Hannah with a loving, supportive, respectful family environment.

More importantly (and also perfectly correlated with the above), I have learned about love. When you are part of a family, people that live together day-in and day-out, you will always be part of that family. You are known and know others in unique ways and are present to participate in the day-to-day. While many of the details of most days will be forgotten, it’s in the routine that you really get to know and be known by someone. It is that kind of knowing, that kind of acceptance, that sense of belonging, that comprises familial love.

One day I hope that I will get married. I would like someone to share life with. A husband with whom we can do all the day-to-day routine aspects of life and in that doing, come to intimately know and be known by each other. I dream of adding children to our family and developing family traditions and rituals and creating our own memories. I am starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, my dream could one day become a reality. Until then, I am so grateful to be Hannah’s mom and to have the opportunity to guide her along life’s path as she grows and develops.

2 thoughts on “mother & daughter

  1. Hi Heather,

    I noticed in your blog that you wrote about wanting to get married again some day. And then you said that you believe that might come true. It made me wonder if you had met someone special or if it was just a feeling you have. I hope you do find the right someone.

    Do you enjoy reading? Would it be too forward for me to recommend a book to you? It is, Finding the Love of Your Life by Neil Clark Warren. He is the one who started There are 7 things he says you need to find the “right” match for your life. I read it after I was married and thought that I would find that Uncle John and I were incompatible because we are so opposite in many ways; but I found out the opposite. If you do get a chance to read it, I would love to hear your thought.

    Another book/video I found very insightful in my own marriage is Love and Respect by Chip Ingram. Several years ago we went to a video marriage seminar at our church and I thought it was terrific. I wished I had had this information before I got married or in the earlier years. If you’re interested, there is a video online that has a lot of the main information -


    Learn the Two Key Ingredients for Successful Relationships with Emerson Eggerichs — How do we solve relationship conflict when the issue that started the fight is no longer the issue? Decades of studying ma…

    Hugs and kisses to Hannah, Love you both. Aunt Mary



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s