impossibly hard

Do you ever have to do something so hard it just doesn’t seem possible? I mean it really is impossible. No one has ever done it. Everyone says it’s impossible and yet…

you still…

Hope.

And Pray.

And try to trust that things will work out. Because. Well, because they usually do. Things usually work out, even when they’re hard, even when they’re impossible, even when they shouldn’t.

But then…

Sometimes, they don’t.

What do you do then? Accept failure? Move? Run away? As far and as fast as possible?

I like to run. That’s always a nice solution. If I run, it disappears. Even if only for a moment. But, not this time. This time I will have courage. I will have strength. I will persevere. I will face …

What do I call it? My monster? My past? My life?

I’m not sure how to explain what it is I have to do, what it is I have to face. But, whatever I call it, whatever you choose to call it, whatever it is, I will do this thing. This thing I have to do. This thing only I can do. This thing that feels utterly and completely impossible.

And maybe, just maybe, it actually is impossible. Maybe I’ll do this thing and just… fail. Or maybe I won’t. I’m not even sure what failure would look like in this case. Maybe just doing it would be success. I tried. Isn’t that enough? Isn’t that what really counts in the end?

I don’t think so. But, it is a nice thing we tell ourselves: “I tried — that’s what matters.”

I have to do this thing. Well, maybe I don’t. I am going to do it though. It feels impossible. Maybe it is. Either way, I will get through it, and I will come out the other side. Maybe better. Hopefully not worse.

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