I thought about you today. For the first time in a long time. I tried to remember your voice. I couldn’t. There was a time when I thought I’d never forget.
Are you happy? Would you even know?
You were so very good at giving the world what they wanted. Many people only saw what, or who, you wanted them to see. For some reason you let me see more. You let me in. Closer than perhaps anyone. I knew you. You knew me. We saw each other in our deepest hurt through broken eyes.
I wished for you to be free. Free from the constraints of your own beliefs and artificial desires. Free from the masks you put on for the world. Free from your prison of fear. I wanted you to know that the world would not collapse if you let yourself just… be.
It was too hard for you though. Sometimes you tried, especially with me. But the “reality” of your world never let you see freedom as a viable option.
Was it misogyny that trapped you? The sins of your father? Or perhaps that damn toxic religion forced on you in childhood? Did you ever learn who you are? Or did you just learn how to be what the world expects?
I hope you are happy. Not the kind of happy that comes with prestige — the right job with the right house in the right town with a nice wife — but the kind of happy that comes from a deeper place. The kind of happy that sits in the deepest part of yourself when you realize, “I am worthy. I am loved. I am enough, just as I am.”
I want that for you.
I may not be able to remember many of the details but I remember you. You, my dear, are beautiful. Let your beauty shine so that the whole world may see the depths of who you truly are. Don’t let fear hold you back any longer. You have but one life. Let yourself be seen. Open your eyes so that you might learn to truly see others. Be and let be. Embrace love, true love, and live life to its fullest.
I thought about you today. For the first time in a long time.